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The Power of Sacred Space During Suffering

In Uncategorizedby Nathan ToLeave a Comment

Just mere months after I first learned of my partner’s infidelity, it still felt like my flesh was being torn apart, inch by inch. The piercing pain was amplified with her utter disinterest in saving our marriage.   Whether out of foolishness, desperation, a bold vision of all we could re-build together, or in honour of the person I truly loved, I still wished to offer my …

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Grit, Grace, and Uncertainty: My Brief Reflections

In Uncategorizedby Nathan ToLeave a Comment

“I don’t know exactly what’s next, but I’m stepping forward with grit, anchored in grace” -Julie Graham I’m not much of a sailor (yet), and the most I can do on a boat is head over to the buffet line… But I definitely appreciate this image of us stepping forward into fearful uncertainties with grit, “anchored” in grace.   For …

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Among My Hungry Ghosts: Hearing Grief Speak In Writing

In Griefby Nathan ToLeave a Comment

On those days when my grief is especially eager for my attention, I see it gnaw at me like a horde of hungry ghosts. Importantly, I’ve been expressing my grief and continuing my healing, by allowing my imagination to run wild through what I love: writing.  As a general definition, hungry ghosts are condemned to a hellish existence where they’re …

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Here’s How Hate Betrays Us After Surviving Infidelity

In Uncategorizedby Nathan ToLeave a Comment

If you’ve ever loved deeply and been betrayed by a partner’s infidelity, you know just how good it feels to hate. Hate is incredibly seductive. Hate feels empowering, even if it’s disturbing for our better selves to think so. However, I’ve noticed how this sort of fierce resentment can soak into our bones. And it just makes things even worse …

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Here’s Why I Felt Too Scared to Buy Candy in 1986

In Reflectionby Nathan ToLeave a Comment

When I was 6 or 7-years old, I panicked about the silliest things. My anxiety got pretty bad sometimes–Like that time I felt too scared to buy candy from the nice lady at the local convenience store. During the 1980’s and 1990’s, sorting out all of my different emotions was really tough as a kid. I cried easily (more than others my age, I think), …

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How To Deal With Life Changes When Your Dreams Die

In Life Purposeby Nathan ToLeave a Comment

Isn’t it crazy when life changes for you all of a sudden? I’m sure you don’t need a random guy on the internet to give you examples of how life really changes for you. But, since I’d like to say something thoughtful about cats, toilet-training and milk, I’m going to anyway. Here, I’ll reflect on one of the most important …

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In Memory of the Wonderful Mom I Loved and Lost

In Grief, Memoryby Nathan To

As my mouth slowly curved upwards to kiss my own falling tears, I closed my eyes and looked for Mom in the place I knew she’d always be. It had been 4 years since Mom died from heart disease in 2005. One night, an unusual memory of Mom found me. And it absolutely transformed my life. Read on and discover what it was.